Your Spouse Wasn’t Meant To Meet Your Needs

By Jason Benham

Genesis 30:1-3 – “Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister, and said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or else I die!’ And Jacob’s anger was aroused against Rachel, and he said, ‘Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?’ So she said, ‘Here is my maid Bilhah; go in to her, and she will bear a child on my knees, that I also may have children by her.’

I see in so many marriages, my own even, that people tend to rely on their spouse to meet their needs instead of relying on God. What I mean is that we are to always see God as the One Who meets our needs and people as the tools He uses to accomplish it. This is so very important. I can see a major difference in my own relationship when Tori and I are both relying on God for His provision and then seeing each other as the instrument God is using to get the job done. This takes all the pressure off each spouse, because no human being can meet all the needs of another human being – it’s impossible. God made it that way so we would always look to Him.

Here in this story we see the result of what happens when we rely on the wrong person. Rachel wasn’t able to have any kids, so she went to Jacob and blamed him – she was looking to him to meet her need. She should have gone to the Lord, but she was too busy focusing on Jacob.

Notice Jacob’s response – “Am I in the place of God…?” Jacob knew he couldn’t meet that need and the pressure was overwhelming to a point where he yelled at her (at least that’s how the text reads). He should have responded in love recognizing his wife was in pain, but he didn’t. Then notice Rachel’s response – she came up with a strategy on how to get what she wanted, and it worked, but it wasn’t God’s best.

Do you see the domino effect here? One bad decision after another all started because one spouse was relying on the wrong person. Our marriages will catapult into another level if we learn this lesson. Your spouse isn’t the one who meets your needs – God is. You have to see “through” your spouse “to” God – He simply chose them as His tool to get the job done. When you do this you not only please the Lord you also relieve your mate.

Jason Benham

My aim is simple: I want to get you hooked on God’s Word so that you become the godly man your wife and kids need you to be—the faithful warrior God called you to be. As men, we were made to fight, and our greatest weapon is the Word of God. Armed with His truth, we can win the battles desperately raging against us, our marriages, our families, as well as the culture in which we are called to change.

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