The Thoughts I Think Toward You

By Tori Benham

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

It had been a long day! I was tired. I tried to get excited about our “fun” evening planned but everything felt like so much work.

Jason was returning from out of town in a few hours and the girls and I had tickets to the Nutcracker.

Kids fed… check!
House cleaned up so Jason doesn’t walk into a tornado…check!
Boys situated for the night…check!
Shower and a dress…check!
My hair…grrr, whatever, check!
Allie’s hair… check!

“Lundi!!! Come here so I can do your hair,” I hollered to my youngest daughter. No response. “Lundi!! We are going to be late. Where are you?” I tried again.

“I’m right here mama,” came from the half bath downstairs. I grabbed the brush and started toward the sweet little voice. But just like that, the voice turned anything but sweet. The sound of, “I did something really bad!” made my heart sink.

“I don’t have time for bad,” I thought, jaw clenched as I braced myself. The smell of nail polish warned me of the terror my eyes would see next. The entire pedestal sink was covered in a rainbow of my favorite nail polish colors.

I stood there in shock for a moment, mesmerized by the swirl of colors. The fleeting thought of “wow, this is actually really creative,” was quickly replaced with “bad, bad, bad, this is really really bad.”

Then I looked over at the little girl standing on the toilet. The sight took my breath away. I gasped. She didn’t use the nail polish brush to create this masterpiece. She used her hands. I mean, hands clearly work best when you need to cover that much porcelain and you might as well smother the smooth, cool stuff up your arms while you’re at it.

“Get in the tub right now,” I said in a creepy low voice trying to stay under control. She jumped off the toilet and ran upstairs as scared as I was mad. I could feel the veins bulging in my neck as my head started to pound from the fumes. “SOS! NEED NAIL POLISH REMOVER ASAP. PLEASE STOP ON WAY HOME!” I pounded a text to Jason.

Stomp, scream, or cry? I didn’t have time as I frantically searched for nail polish remover.
“Mom!” the cry of a very sorry little girl soon called from the top of the stairs. After a while, I made my way up with an old bottle of remover I found.

“I’m so sorry!” she repeated as I made my way to the top. But by the time our eyes finally met it was just tears.

Blinking them away while heaving to catch her breath like they do when it really hurts, she stretched out her little hand with a card for me. I recognized the card right away. It was one I had written to her on Mother’s Day a while back.

Her stiff, crusty, acrylic hand dropped the card into mine and she scurried back to the tub as if to say, “read the card before you discipline me.”

So I did.

“Dear Lundi,” my handwriting wrote, “Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for making my greatest dream come true by being your mom.” I went on to list out some of the things I love most about her. My best and most loving thoughts of my littlest princess.

Lundi’s message was clear. “Remember what you really think of me, mama. Remember who you said that I am. Remember who I really am.”

She was asking me in the heat of the moment to remember my “true” thoughts for her.

I’ve since thought of the words of my heavenly Father…

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

Wow! No matter what I have done, He is not confused about His thoughts for me. He doesn’t forget. He “knows” what he thinks of me. They are consistent thoughts. And they are good because He has my end in mind.

Imagine if we could approach our relationships like that.

By the grace of God, because He speaks through naughty little girls, the Lundi fiasco turned into a teachable moment- for both of us. A time where I remembered who Lundi was in spite of how she acted.

What are our thoughts about those we love most? Are they consistent like His are for us; hopeful with their future in mind?

This convicts me. I want to be better at this. Thank you Lundi Mae! I pray you grow up trusting my thoughts for you but when I fail, always know the One who made you never will.


Tori


Tori Benham

My goal is to help you in your battle—for your marriage and your kids. I’ve discovered that my best battle buddy is my husband, Jason, when we choose to fight alongside one another and not against each other. Fighting together draws us together. This is exactly why Satan wants to divide us. But we cannot let that happen, and neither can you. I promise I will write from my heart whatever God gives me, and hopefully this sharing will help both of us. The Lord knows I need it as much as anyone!

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