The Key to Relational Warmth

By Jason Benham

“Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?” (Ecclesiastes 4:11)

Imagine a cold night in the dead of winter and you jump into your cold bed with your spouse. God has divinely created us so that we give off body heat, so when two bodies touch we can get really toasty fast! He made us this way so that we will in fact get close to each other. He wants spouses to snuggle. He loves when we hug.

The reward for staying close to your spouse? Comfort.

When we get really close and snuggle up with each other in a cold bed we experience a comfort that only body heat can bring. No electric blanket or space heater can bring the same heat that another human body can. And when you’re freezing it’s incredibly comfortable.

The same comfort we experience physically can also be ours emotionally if we choose to stay close to our spouse.

The devil knows this and hates it. So he does everything in his power to keep a safe distance between husbands and wives so that they’ll never experience the comfort they were meant to have. And couples all over the world are remaining in the cold because of it.

The paradox is that one of the main reasons why couples refuse to draw close to each other is that they have learned to be comfortable on their own, without their spouse. So any closeness results in a lack of comfort.

Going back to the analogy of a cold bed – on some nights in the winter I will jump into bed before Tori. I’m freezing cold, but in time I warm up…alone. Then she jumps in and snuggles up next to me, wrapping her freezing legs over mine as I try to push her away. It’s bone-chilling! But if I let her stay close, even through momentary discomfort, in time we both begin to warm up and experience the comfort of togetherness.

God wants us to stay close to our spouse, both physically and emotionally. We can’t let Satan keep distance between us because we’ve learned to be comfortable on our own. If we’re willing to go through temporary emotional pain God will give us permanent relational gain. This is the secret to relational warmth!


Jason Benham

My aim is simple: I want to get you hooked on God’s Word so that you become the godly man your wife and kids need you to be—the faithful warrior God called you to be. As men, we were made to fight, and our greatest weapon is the Word of God. Armed with His truth, we can win the battles desperately raging against us, our marriages, our families, as well as the culture in which we are called to change.

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