The Conflict Dichotomy

By Jason Benham

Conflict in relationship God’s way of making us more like Him. While it may be uncomfortable, it’s the only way our rough edges can be smoothed out.

Conflict can either lead to gridlock or gratitude. It all depends on what we choose to do when it takes place.

When conflict arises you have one of two choices – you can REACT or you can RESPOND.

If you react to conflict your actions are immediate, you’re fueled by the subconscious, you take no responsibility for your part, you have low empathy, and you seek to be understood. This will only lead to GRIDLOCK as each of you hunker down and hold your position.

If you respond to conflict you are patient, you think deeply before you speak, you take responsibility for your part, you put yourself in your spouse’s shoes, and you seek to understand your spouse’s point of view. This will lead to GRATITUDE as you recognize the value of conflict and how personal and relational growth is impossible without a struggle.

So rather than running from conflict, embrace it so that it works for you rather than against you. Respond, don’t react, and watch how you will ultimately be closer to each other than you were before the fight ever took place.


Jason Benham

My aim is simple: I want to get you hooked on God’s Word so that you become the godly man your wife and kids need you to be—the faithful warrior God called you to be. As men, we were made to fight, and our greatest weapon is the Word of God. Armed with His truth, we can win the battles desperately raging against us, our marriages, our families, as well as the culture in which we are called to change.

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